Happy Cuties

i'll give you all i have, and a little more

2011-09-27T01:20:00.000-04:00

there comes a time, after you've read and reread all the things you've written in the past year, that you are stricken with action! motivation! drive! vigor! (but please don't hold me 100% accountable for what follows, i'm rusty - rusted, and already anxiety stricken about all the strangers who will never see this) since you last heard from me, well, let's be honest, things happened. mainly being that i went from vermont to new hampshire to maine to new brunswick to nova scotia and then made a loop and came back down. nova scotia is made of wood, scallops and magic and held together with the fucking nicest human beings i've ever come across. the light is straight from the heavenly mouth of god, and i have 20 some-odd rolls of film chilling in my fridge waiting for me to make a new resume, get another job, and hurry up with reliving the past already. of course i'll show you. of course i will! and so, my not-so-secret love affair with car travel continues. where will next summer find me? somehow i think i am due for a west coast but then you know there is that place called the desert where you can cook almost anything out of you, then i keep thinking about key west and all the time there is this haze over my life saying MEXICOOOOOOO. time time time time time time. the funniest thing about life is that i keep having to say "life is weird" and never get to feeling mad about it. and now we've reached the section where i run out of steam and sputter out. so as to go out strong:

its me i'm dynamite and i don't know why

2011-07-23T11:27:00.004-04:00

hello from montpelier vermont!

i arrived here yesterday, so i guess today is technically day 2 of my 4th major road jaunt. i'm tired now because i've been sunning and swimming for 2 days straight, but i am going to try to remember some of the plethora of lovely thoughts i've been having.

yesterday i left albany around 1, and headed north on the.....northway to bolton landing on lake george. i went to summer camp on the lake for nearly 10 years, so its a place filled to the brim with only excellent memories, and somehow i just can't have a bad time there even if i eat bad pizza or swallow too much lake water or get a sunburn or whatever. anyways, i arrived at the sagamore, which is this fancy old hotel in bolton, but the secret is, they have a great dock and swimming area and you can kinda just walk in? at least, they've never said anything to me, but you know, i do have this face working for me. wink wink. so i sunned and it was HOT, so much so that brisk lake george was kinda warm? i mean not WARM, but warm for lg at least. and it was perfect as per usual. so i layed in my deck chair and looked out over that clear lake and those perfect green carpet mountains and thought about my youth and what a nice life i have and i cried a few times and then i'd swim and flip around like a fish and then i'd sun again. i changed in the bathroom and snapped a picture of my peach face and then ate a slice of shitty pizza in downtown bolton where i made nice conversation with the pizza chef and scored a free refill on my diet pop.

buckled up and headed north on 9 following the lake, snaking around, taking so many pictures, running into the shoulder, stopping to look for moose, and really my arms were out the windows more than they were on the wheel and i was maybe possibly yelping because dont you know that this is my heaven? this is my meditation. this is my therapy. whatever else you want to say, whatever catharsis or revelation or whoever you pray to, this is mine. so i just feel good, and you should know i feel good. i wanted to drive my car off a cliff into that lake into those mountains, but only with joy? you know? throw myself onto those carpet mountains, cover the whole earth. buy all the buildings and live in all of them at once. and everything is for sale and everything is closed and i still love america and i still love you too.

so 9 snakes the lake and you get these glimpses of water through trees and old 50s lake camps and the mountains break and there are grey rocks and you just love everything and then lady gaga plays incessantly and you probably cry a few times because everything is happening at once. so after you pass through the historic town of ticonderoga you continue on 9, which becomes 22, and when you reach the town of crown point the bridge will be closed so you'll have to take a ferry across this river into vermont and it will be a surprise and you will be so happy to be on a car on a boat. then you deboard and you will be on 17 and you will be in the state of VERMONT and it will smell like cows immediately and you won't even care because you like cows anyways. you'll drive through tiny towns with names like addison, charlotte and shelburne, and they'll have quaint victorian-esque downtowns and you'll see so many white church spires reaching into that blue blue sky. when you reach burlington and catch a few glimpses of lake champlain you'll be so happy and so ready to get on the highway and shut the windows and drive FAST. and after 30 minutes of driving south on i-89 you'll be in the capital of vermont and there will be a sign that says 'bienvenue' and there will be radio stations in french and there will be a state building with a GOLD dome that is just shining shining shining for you!

downtown montpelier is so sweet and old fashioned and there are cute shops and things to eat and you can eat salad and it will have local cheese on it because you're in vermont and things are about cheese and maple syrup and everything here is SO GREEN. its like a bath for your eyes.

today we drove north in the convertible and found a swimming hole and swam in it and there is nothing at all bad about being alive. i want to hug everyone, even the townies who are clearly on methamphetamine.

so here are pictures and know that tomorrow i will be on a boat on a lake and monday i will go to new hampshire because everyone should live free and if you can't i'll take your share.

love is pouring out of me all the time every second, let it run all over me.

keep your heart open and your eyes shut tight

2011-07-08T12:36:00.003-04:00

hello!

this quite overdue post comes to you from the green hinterlands of albany, ny. its so alive here and everything just seems the best its ever been.

J4 weekend was at the top of the tops, as per usual. i'm hard pressed to think of another holiday that has never let me down the way J4 has. anyways, we red-white-and-blue'd for essentially 4 days straight, which led to such little sleeps that i am still recovering. not mad about it.

this five albany days has not been enough, and its times like this i wish i could pull a multiplicity move. imagine swimming in lake george, sunning in rockaway, and dancing on a roof at the same time!

i think i might be too braindead still to make any of this sound remotely intelligent, or, at the very least, entertaining, so i think i'll just picture you all and be done with the whole mess for a while (the way its been going, you'll hear from me in august). in 2 weeks i'm off to nova scotia with just myself for company (its good i'm such good company), and i've yet to plan any piece of this mini-major jaunt. i ain't worried though because it always works out somehow. i keep thinking about all those places with names you just want to say outloud like pensacola, saginaw, indianapolis, lake winnipesaukee, even nova scotia. NOVA SCOTIA. even though they're just words, somehow they make it feel like its all really happening. at the end of the day, i guess it really is all happening.

glad to happen with you,
bb

christ you know it ain't easy

2011-06-06T00:28:00.002-04:00

i could talk about things being a drag or i could talk about things being great. every coin has two sides, and some such other philosophy truth drivel.

listen, tomorrow i have JURY DUTY.
i basically flew to albany today on the wings of one, loretta-louise (you're a fucking champion) and now there are crickets and blackness and little snotty kids riding dirt bikes and other shit that reminds us all that sometimes you flip a heads and sometimes you come up with tails. and with that cue my computers brain immediately turned on the blossom theme song*. thanks!

anyways, back to bidness: JURY DUTY. i decided tonight i am going to write a book about my dating life (or lack thereof) called JURY DUTY. thoughts? is this thing on?

i've been listening to ke$ha** for like 24 hours straight and, much like the rest of my life, its become a joke that only i understand.

in continuation with this theme, i am going to dress in themed outfits for each day i have to go to JURY DUTY. tomorrow i decided to go with some version of an outfit that would be worn in the 1965 film 'beach blanket bingo' peg leg skinnies, a boaty solid colored top, but the real piece de resistance will be my hairstyle. you see, faithful readers, at a recent trip to my stylist, i, on a whim, acquired some bangs. bangs! me! can you imagine!*** so the HAIR for tomorrow will be STUPID. oh, but as if i've thrown a quarter in the air and its coming down tails side up, I FORGOT TO BRING ANY CLOTHES OTHER THAN DIRTY LAUNDRY. because i am an adult, didn't you know? so i have to make this dainty sprite gem outfit out of towels and underwear. orrrrr i could raid my high school closet. you will find out in due time which one of these fates prevails.

so only time and towels will tell where your fearless heroine will go next in her life. straight into the jaws of rich children, i'm sure. golden teeth will be my sad, but glamorous, end.

until next time...

*

**

***

its no sin, trade it in

2011-05-08T00:57:00.004-04:00

man oh man, christ, i sure fell off this game, ay?
i am sorry

so, here i am. sitting home at 1am saturday night mildly drunk and more mildly stoned and listening to the little river band. sure are a lot of things i could muse about that statement, but i'll let it lie.

i thought i could do this and have something to say here but i was stricken by mind-numbing anxiety and can not continue.

let me post a few snaps and ruminate for a while about how i can write here on a more regular basis. considering i just tried to write the word "baby" for "basis," i'd say there's a lot more to this issue than meets the eye.

so, see, i'm alive and i'm kinda doing things and school will be over soon and then i just have to take my exam and then life will be better. life will be better. life will be better. life will be better. i wish for the same thing every time i puff my eyelashes off my fingertips out into that world, and clearly one of these days that wish is going to have to manifest. there's just no other option.

and ain't that sweet eyed blindness good to me

2011-04-15T11:37:00.002-04:00

forgot allllll about this one

off to eat lunch with my mom and dad and celebrate my superior test taking skills.

let's all try to whistle while we work until everything turns green and balmy.
xx.

ain't about how fast i get there

2011-04-13T20:13:00.002-04:00

hello folks.
i am writing because today i have been twenty-eight for one month.

i wish i had more to report on. i have plenty to say, i'm sure, but my brain is just scrambled. so many things are going on and so many things are not going on, know what i mean?

i hug you guys and please hug me.
xx

though i never knew you at all

2011-03-30T20:53:00.004-04:00

i shouldn't have to twist my arms to do this. things should flow, things should be coming to me. not sure where i've gone and NO IDEA where i am going. sob sob totally normal late-twenties middle class baby coming to terms with the actual real world notatallcrisis.

i'm buried under stress and other people are straight buried. in the earth, in the earth ground vials who knows where people go. people kiss dead people. did you know that? i remember when my grandma was in that casket and my aunt bending over and kissing her on the forehead. i wish i could kiss my grandma on the forehead now. i finally understand kissing the forehead of a dead person.

you know when you shuffle cards and then push them back in line? i'm trying to push myself back in line. i maybe need to come to terms with realizing that this may not happen for some time. its a force it vs. go with the flow situation and i feel(hear) the ticking of the clock (i'm lying here the room's pitch dark).

i'm going now. you should all know that i am okay. that if i need your help i will ask for your help. i do miss myself. i miss my real self and i feel lost. i feel lost but i haven't lost faith that i will be found.

from who you are into what you're gonna be

2011-02-22T19:27:00.002-05:00

listen, i am sorry but this is really all i could come up with unless you want a multi-paragraphed rant about why god keeps dealing me bad hands.

believe there is someone who loves you - no matter what

2011-02-04T23:34:00.002-05:00

now that i am reunited with my music (all fourteen some-odd thousand songs) i am rediscovering songs i just love love love from the ground to the sky. what follows is one such song. i hope you can absorb a piece of this love, a piece of these tangible good vibes. i'm sending them out to all my friends, near and far, and saying 'sheesh, i can't wait for the great and greater things that are going to happen to us!' and with valentine's day rapidly approaching, i want to make sure i tell all of you, my friends, how much i love and appreciate you. bless your warm warm hearts.

xo!

(got back 7 rolls of film from the summer today and they are making my warm heart even warmer! i can't wait to show you how much sand we layed in and how much sunshine was soaked.)

and leave behind the trail imploring us all not to fail

2011-01-09T05:47:00.002-05:00

hello all. and happy new year. happy new year one month late. sometimes you just don't have the energy for these things!

truth, i don't really even have the energy now, but its february, and i'm skipping my psych class because i had a anxiety attack last night and didn't sleep at all and then i couldn't dress myself and now i am sitting here in an oversized sweater thinking about disco music and feeling quite loserly. let's try some songs. let's just try a few songs, shall we?

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that last one is really for the song, but fred astaire dancing doesn't hurt either.

anyways, those are those. i'm working on my valentine's party which is in like 8 days. mostly music stuff though i need to start focusing on food and decorations really soon. plus my outfit. i already know what is happening with my hair and WATCH OUT. its going to be so good.

i maybe have more to say now but i am just going to post this and hope i find the motivation to post again soon. with pictures! with power! with potential!

xx,
bb

tingling right from my head to my toes

2010-12-09T02:03:00.000-05:00

living a long time looking on and on

2010-12-05T13:52:00.003-05:00

here's a smattering of songs that are pleasing me lately:

and here i go slipping through this week, surely assisted by nibbles of xanax and sheer luck, slipping right into a free freezing winter water wonderland.

and went looking for another light

2010-12-04T01:56:00.005-05:00

i've paused undressed (which (you're welcome) you may view here: http://www.undressedtv.com/) to make good on my promise and show you some blue sky blues to cure your grey sky woes.

i love wearing a big scarf as much as the next girl but right about now i miss being BROWN. sitting in that car singing taylor swift sunshining on my forearms and that one patch of thigh the big open world just breezy all around and every single thing is the best possible song. it'll be back soon enough, is what i tell myself to bear the boots and socks and slacks and such. and until then life will just continue to stack on itself in the most clever ways. sometimes it'll catch me, jostle me, out of daydreams; tug me by the elbow and say "but just look at whats happened here" and what can you do except make that cute surprised face and laugh at the waywardness of it all.

and that's quite literally all i've got.
i've moved on to huck finn (whatta rascal) and i'm about ready to read that in my perfection of a bed. i'll see you see you see you soon.

echoes of light that shine like stars after they're gone

2010-11-28T21:06:00.003-05:00

listening to things of this nature (and so much katy perry, sorry sorry sorry) recently and holding onto everything good left inside of me with the same hands i use for treasures at the thrift store and knocking on all the wood. truth is, i know only the best things are coming, but somehow superstition still sits on the top of all truths in my life.

working on a pile of pictures from 2009-early 2010 and you will be seeing that stuff real soon. two weeks left of fall semester and i can't wait to sit in a bathtub for my entire winter break. imagine the love i'm sending you is like a quarter i've just pulled from your ear. xx.

these rivers of suggestion are driving me away

2010-11-14T23:21:00.002-05:00

weekend upstate with naomi and the sunny days and crisp nights. friday i sat on a rock in the yard with basically bare legs and let the cold seep through layer and layer and layer until i could actually feel it in my bones. looking at the stars with frozen bones and then leaping around the yard until i felt brand new again. thrifting and estate sales and my old haunt crossgates mall yielded plenty of treasures. today was country driving, historic houses, picnic food picking, picnic food eating while overlooking albany county. sweet albany county, you hold my history and my heart. i miss this place more and more and feel so foolish for the feeling. life is good life is grand and life will gift good things. like i said last night "i can't wait for all the good things that are going to happen to us" and to you too...

honey, keep the oven warm

2010-11-12T01:47:00.002-05:00

here's what i have to say about the week that kicked my ass:

i have never been so tired in my whole life! STUPID tired. catching 20 minute naps here and there. eating scraps of food between napping studying cleaning teeth attending class. jumble week. i walk down the streets mumbling the names of odontogenic cysts. sit on the bus lost in some histologically stained daydream. eliza assay, western blot test, trisomy 21, cri du chat, herpangina, hairy leukoplakia. ugh. and above everything else, hovering, I AM SO TIRED.

so that's that. i'm using some lovely techniques to make my life more like my life. and i'm taking me and my techniques and a whole boat full of laundry oh and that friend naomi hanson to my house in the woods this weekend for some post-fall pre-winter relaxation activation. i lost my digital camera (!) last week so i can't prove anything happens. i guess you'll just have to take my word for it.

and now to get to that sleep...

(you know i am capable of much more than this, don't you? i'm sorry i'm sorry infinity i'm sorry to me you and everyone we know for my brain dead brain. pma willing me back to life)

what can i do to keep you around?

2010-11-03T23:41:00.003-04:00

honey honey honey, hi! halloween! that time of year came and went once again and i really pulled out all the stops. my past 3 years worth of costumes have been truly excellent, if you ask me; but i think its actually possible that this was my best yet?? i'm working on some oral path homework over here so this is going to have to be a brief one, unfortunately. i'll share mine and my friends costumes and then you can head to my flickr to see the rest, hm?

let's just cut to the chase here:

i mean........okay.

and here is naomi with another one of her genius "day of" creations:

and kiki:

denise:

jenny:

stephanie:

the whole motley crew:

what a fun night! next year we are REALLY going to try to finally get the brand names people project going. start thinking now! i guess i will be raisin girl. eh. maybe someone will be kind and let me be land'o'lakes. i've never been an indian before!

okay enough of that, i am clearly too distracted to write like a normal human. feeling and certainly feeling over here and i'm kinda trying to work it all out? i mean....duh. what's new and such, but this time its really different? I SWEAR. something is different and its no less than a struggle almost every day to not be hazy when i walk down the street. lots of suggestions have been made but i'm just going with my internal instincts on this one. i guess if i'm ever cured you'll be the first to know.

and now i'm back to neoplasias and thinking about tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the next day. "hug muffin loaf with extra sprinkles of vibes and joy"

my information's just not getting in

2010-10-23T23:38:00.001-04:00

ha! i wanted to write this long incredible post about the baby genius that is miss brenda lee, but then this song came on my shuffle and now i somehow can't blog rockabilly

whatever!

she's got cheekbones like geometry and eyes like sin

2010-10-17T13:08:00.003-04:00

sweet songs for everyone courtesy of mr. lloyd cole, who, i am surprisingly attracted to? WHO KNEW!

so much to share from the past week-or-so, one of these days coming up i'll show you some things. you can hold me to it, or anything else, if you want to. i'm not keen on disappointing folks. so, see you soon! i punched a girl in the face last night after she dumped a beer on my head and i'm feeling pretty great today (no- really) so i'm going to attempt to make myself an egg in a basket, toad in the hole, what-have-you and listen to some neil diamond on vinyl. love you lovelies. xx!

we can sit and dry just as long as it can pour

2010-10-11T23:12:00.002-04:00

thunderstorms in my new room are something else. making me think about the tin rooves (roofs?) at summer camp and how we would welcome the storm. perfect thoughts for this john sebastian ditty:

lovely dreams to everyone and i mean everyone

a child of the water, too proud to be a queen

2010-10-04T13:02:00.004-04:00

this day and this song are holding hands:

so chilly, all my windows open, laying in bed under all the covers, listening to mellow metal, hugging myself and saying "great job"

love yous

walk me in the morning through the clover*

2010-10-02T00:17:00.004-04:00

tuneage around these parts these days:

and get ready for my stupendous finish:

also, somehow, after all this time, i am still listening to linda ronstadt with purpose.

and now that i've done that, i can tell you about my friday! i've always liked fridays and today? well today friday came right up to me and shook my hand. bless. i woke myself up with both sides of new colony six's greatest hits and two apples from the apple bag. a thin swipe of eyeliner and i was off on maroon five in the rain to greenpoint to have my hair cut. one head massage and deep conditioning treatment later and i'm in greenwich village fantasizing i'm jane fonda in barefoot in the park, showing a peek of emotion in therapy, and having the nicest lunch at murray's while looking at the grey sky and thinking how nice fridays are. i wore falltime shoes, i hugged my friend, i sang christine mcvie songs with vigor, tried on all my new clothes and tasted five different kinds of chips! what a day, what a day what a day.

i'll be seeing you friday, i'll be seeing you again real soon. (coincidently, come next friday i'll be sitting pretty in orlando, florida. i'll be damned if i don't make it to disney this time. so much to look forward to.)

until then...enjoy the fall breezes and think fondly of all the people you love.

*(the alternative title of this post is 'don't throw up - five years later')

and then there's this

2010-09-30T19:03:00.001-04:00

in case you've forgotten about my dream life:

wash away my sorrow, wash away my shame

2010-09-30T17:37:00.002-04:00

boy would i have loved to have put a real live early 70's performance of this song here instead of that karaoke stuff up there, but y'all get the point, no?

hello!!! man, i'm really weirdly bad at the internet these days. i'm weirdly bad at a lot of stuff these days, actually, but today i am magically feeling quite chipper and even my awful professor in clinic couldn't defeat my mood. i need to start working on an outfit for my night out tonight (they are few and far between nowadays) and hope this positive energy sticks around at least through the weekend so i can enjoy my friends whom i miss immensely.

not much else to report on, sadly. but i am working on getting some film developed, which will lead to things to show and stories to tell (god knows i have about a trillion of these) also i think expect more karaoke videos (i'm sure you're thrilled) because stephanie and i are about due for another round of this. maybe expect some pictures from my weekend and some pictures of all the nice foods i plan on eating in the near future. also expect love and joy and hugs and sparkles coming out of my eyes.

lovelove,
bb

pumped a lot of pain

2010-09-14T22:30:00.000-04:00

j/k its 'tane.
enjoy!

for every voice you ever heard there's been a thousand without a word

2010-09-08T19:08:00.002-04:00

so much fleetwood happening for me lately. something about it suits my melancholy yet hopeful mood. two of my current favorites:

i'd take a buckingham in 1982 anyday....

xx kiddies, xx

if not for you my sky would fall

2010-09-02T20:13:00.003-04:00

because i can:

oh brenda, how i long to channel your brief tv existence at most moments of most days. your sweet mouth, the just-so bangs, icy eyes, porcelain complexion, oh brenda! one day we will be united. one day we will live as one!

its easy, you only need to know

2010-08-09T15:14:00.003-04:00

still up here, and my meltdown about returning is mounting. really focusing on one day at a time. working on being present in each moment of each day (this is hard!). took care of lots of odds and ends, including calling the court regarding my first speeding ticket (!!! - this was bound to happen sometime, i suppose, but i still cried for five minutes while pulling away from the scene of the crime) spent a few days with denise and chiara and a new friend isa. swam and saw waterfalls and ate mexican and sang around a campfire. i suppose at some point i must have really let loose because denise started kissing me on the head and saying "you are making me so happy right now" wouldn't it be lovely if my whole life could just be like that? currently talking to jenny about how some higher power should review every major life decision i choose to make, because.....not sure how i ended up here now, twenty-seven years old, sitting in my pajamas at almost three thirty in the afternoon in my dad's basement, but...i'm certainly here. so.....

anyways this post was supposed to be about singing around the campfire but somehow it turned into something else. could i also ask that all you asian robots please stop commenting on this blog? holy annoying!

be young be free
bb

some people say the sky is just the sky

2010-08-02T14:05:00.002-04:00

hello from the green lands up north!

just a quick one to begin august:

the days start slow and then sink into the ground in a way that reminds me of watering a thirsty house plant (ending with that gurgling noise- more more more). i know summer will soon be over and its always bittersweet. this summer has felt endless and i can't say i care but i also do not relate when people say "how is it august already?!?" its a painstaking affair for me to fill my days with trivial and non-trivial activities. i can say i've been reconnecting and connecting with people who i see being positive forces. i smell like campfire often and feel sentimental even more than that. i'm finding it hard to put words to this right now. and by this i mean whatever ache or longing or song is inside of me. i guess i'm just waiting for life to kiss me on the forehead.

(somehow i managed to lose the battery charger for my digital camera. i don't know what this means for us. when it turns up i guess you'll know...)

when i get up in the morning, lord, i know

2010-07-25T21:42:00.002-04:00

golly gee am i ever tired! however, i am trying to be a better blogger, so here i ammmmmmm. its been a busy and non-busy week full of talking and not talking. i traveled to lovely new caanan, connecticut to spend time with the long family. i also went to the beach a few times. and saw my fresh faced friends. sold some shoes and wallets and FLANNEL SHIRTS (? new yorkers are insane - now we know). relaxing at home currently with some eddie cochran and thinking about what is coming up. weather is forecast to be beautiful upstate so i have all week to stew my excitement for country parties. music is country country and cat stevens. book is the complete works of john cheever. movies are doris day and elvis based though i am planning on watching spice world tomorrow. i think i am ready to be done with this now. below are some pictures. stay classy, y'all!

this could be a joy unending

2010-07-21T11:56:00.003-04:00

beach today with lovely haired friends. connecticut tomorrow with another small friend. friday there will be some kind of girl power ceremony in the kitchen of the freest fire-haired fox i ever saw. saturday and sunday i sell sell sell and next week i do my best not to spend the cash so i can have a week off upstate soon. bless bless bless.

do it pretty!
bb

plenty of air and plenty of room

2010-07-19T13:53:00.001-04:00

wow i just love this so much.

rolling through the hay like a puppy child

2010-07-14T01:02:00.004-04:00

i'm here in albany and thinking about the lovely days i have planned for myself here. the weekends are filling up fast (in true summer weekend fashion) and my tan is at a level i would describe as 'beyond base' pleased pleased pleased. and because i've been pleased, there's been happy music all the time. and because there's been happy music there's inevitably been elton john. the man has not only written some of the best pop songs of all time, but also co-written/sang/played on other superstars songs. so how about giving some propers to elton for his contribution on the following pop gems:

and just for kicks (kiki kicks):

and because i'm still going, let me share my favorite elton song, as used in the opening scene of lumet's 'dog day afternoon' (fact: this is the only music used in the entire film):

and now i am ready to retire. adios amigos. stay sunny!

and when my head is aching full of everywhere i've been i'll turn my face around the other way

2010-07-12T23:15:00.004-04:00

not the original, and not even my favorite cover, but the only from the correct time period. plus they're dutch. plus there are cows. :

headed upstate tomorrow for an indefinite amount of time. planning some swimming time and some shopping time and some mom time and some dad time and some truck driving time and some fish fry time. oh! and how could i forget laundry for free time. the best of times.

these days: swimming, tanning, swimming, tanning, tanning, swimming, tanning, driving, singing, floating, selling shoes, planning country weekends, planning mid-week getaways, babysitting, looking to the sky, hugging on friends, iced tea, tanning. its not all milk and honey, duh, but i'm doing my best to do my best, therefore, my best is maybe all you will hear about.

lost my steam y'all. would you like to see somethings? i want to tell you everything about my third car journey but that would be harder than counting all the horses in oklahoma! it was good and it cleared my mind right out and then filled it back up again. its clear i am awful at functioning with no set schedule, so i'm attempting to make something like a loose net in which to hold my week in. so far i've got: babysitting, joining the community garden, walking dogs (? do i even like dogs??), the flea at least one weekend day. and that's it! gimme a break, its still a work in progress. let me leave you with a smattering of things from the past week.

that's all for now! see y'all later!

been thinking this over for many long nights

2010-07-11T07:26:00.001-04:00

this is all i've got for now but don't give up on me and i won't give up on me either

if that's not reincarnation then what is it?

2010-06-14T18:58:00.002-04:00

i want to tell you everything about everything but the internet is so sparse and camping is just cheaper. we're in hot springs, arkansas and we soaked in 6ft bathtubs today. its hotter than sin and we're sweating like hookers in church. fear not! we are enjoying every moment. i hope all y'all are well and you'll be hearing from me again soon, you can bet on that.

feel free to find pictures here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/happycuties/

love!

only one place for a man to go when he's worried about his life

2010-06-09T20:40:00.002-04:00

well hi. i forgot to write in this because i was too busy falling apart. and/or moving. whatever.

now i can write because i'm out on the open road. my little cousin flew into new york on monday and we left new york this morning. i am writing this little message to you all from lovely ronks, pa, in the heart of lancaster county, pennsylvania dutch country!

i drove over the verrazano for the first time and through staten island over the goethels into new jersey. picked up 95 and drove through the filth that is new jersey. my cousin said "i thought people were just giving new jersey shit but it really is a terrible place" true. 95 lead to 276 and snaked around philadelphia in the pouring rain. so much rain! so so so much rain. i am hoping that the rain will wash all the things out of the air that are making me feel like i am asleep at all times. the rain was so intense that i thought about pulling over and definitely chanted "i hate this i hate this i hate this" over and over. my cousin helped with that, very reassuring co-pilot. we arrived in the farmland on us-30 and it is just so precious here. every buggy we saw on the road we had to peek inside to make sure it wasnt just a robot driving to give the illusion of amish about. THEY ARE REAL. at one point we even saw a mom with two kids that were wearing straw hats!! i really yelped at that one. we love the amish with their bulk flavored gelatin and pie and fudge and crafts. bless their hearts!

tomorrow we are off to rural virginia and we may soak in some hot springs somewhere. there are pictures to be seen on flickr and i will have some things to show you at some point, but for now i am sleepy and there is cable tv here at the dutch treat motel so i'm going to pajama myself and enjoy that right now.

its no secret that i'm working through some really thick emotional muck right now and i have to apologize for the absence of my usual literacy when it comes to this blog. let's hope the heat and the road and the music and singing and air and stars and smells and food and all of america brings me back to life. if it doesn't i think you can expect some blogs from the fucking insane asylum in the near future. do they let you use computers in mental hospitals? let's hope so...

shoulda been different but it wasn't different was it?

2010-05-18T16:11:00.002-04:00

this is so right on

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): When people are truly dehydrated, the
impulse that tells them they're thirsty shuts down. That's why they may
not know they're suffering from a lack of water. In a metaphorically similar
way, Pisces, you have been deprived so long of a certain kind of emotional
sustenance that you don't realize what you're missing. See if you can find
out what it is, and then make measured (non-desperate!) plans to get a
big, strong influx of it. The cosmic rhythms will be on your side in this
effort!

going to work on it work on it work on it

and the light of the night fell on me

2010-05-14T11:52:00.003-04:00

and so begins another cycle of packing and moving and unpacking.
i found a place to live!

the top picture will be my new room. the second picture will be the main space, a kitchen/living room combo. you'll have to use your imagination slightly because its not yet finished. should my room be light green or light blue? somehow i am feeling like i want light blue this time?

that's my room right now. i would either probably paint it the same color or something like this:

any thoughts? i need to feel it out. my past two rooms in new york have been light green, maybe i'm getting bored of it. blue is feeling so appealing to me at the moment.

its funny in new york, most people move quite a bit, and i am certainly one of those. i was running over all my old addresses in my head and making a compare/contrast list: 559 lorimer, 339 graham, 573 lorimer, 103 skillman, 901 grand. this time my number is even. this will be the first even address i've lived at in my entire life. my childhood addresses were a 77 and a 39 and now my dad lives at 81. i mean......? i'm taking this evenness as a good sign. as a sign of legit divisibility without fractions. i'm going to run with this theory and you will most certainly be kept posted.

as for me, i'm finished with school for the semester. i'm hoping i keep my 3.7 gpa. i'm hoping i have a lazy sunny summer filled with lots of joyful substance and i turn brown as a berry and everything is fine as can be. i'm selling at the hester street fair tomorrow, and hopefully most weekends for the rest of the summer. i have so many new shoes to debut!

i'll leave you with a picture of my new little house:

and that's that. life without a set schedule is bizarre. cheers!

your pain and your hunger are driving you home

2010-05-11T09:03:00.000-04:00

with just one look i was a bad mess

2010-05-07T13:00:00.005-04:00

having a full-on total-town breakdown over here.

not going to go into detail because who knows what lurks on the internet. hello future perspective employer! in tried-and-true cryptic internet fashion i will post song lyrics and a link to a live performance of the song, which cannot be embedded in this blog, embedding has been disabled, fuck off.

Air pollution, revolution, you know I've had my fill.
Advertisin', computerizin', don't understand it and I never will.

Got to get back to some good time livin'
Got to get out where the air is sweet.
Got to, got to get back livin'
Work with our hands, live off the land,
Feel good clean earth under your feet.

Isolation, segregation, government controls
Call it a cop out gotta drop out.
You and me we gotta save our souls.

Got to get back to some good time livin'
Got to get out where the air is sweet.
Got to, got to get back livin'
Work with our hands, live off the land,
Feel good clean earth under your feet.

You're gonna take to planting flowers everywhere.
We'll find a world of simple pleasures we can share.

Gotta, gotta, got, got, to get back living.

you may find this song HERE

halo hanging over my head, i hope you're never gonna fade out

2010-04-26T22:26:00.004-04:00

some days i am like BURSTING WITH HAPPY and other days i'm just not.
today i took two of my six final exams. in ten (TEN TEN TEN) short days i will be D-O-N-E with this school year. guess who cannot wait? i came home from school today and swept the floor and washed the dishes and recorded a new voicemail message and even cracked a book for an exam i don't have for SEVEN more days! listen, i drank a red bull today and i think it made me a better person? i also decided its always better to take the time to make a nice outfit for yourself. something about a skirt swishing that can perk you up even on a rainy day (which is exactly what today was) today i was chipper! today i was like a small spot of sunshine skipping over puddles and holding my head up in the sky. i even didn't feel that guilty about eating two pieces of pizza! i'm not sure where this came from but writing this post specifically to lock this little light somewhere.

i also wanted to talk about my eventful/exhausting weekend. thursday (the day my weekend starts) was my first day on the booze in what felt like forever (whatever - don't say you wouldn't feel the same). i enjoyed white wine in the company of so many girl friends at a clothing exchange hosted by the lovely amber. i came away with some mega awesome stuff and a mega awesome hangover. friday i nursed my ills for the greater portion of the afternoon and then met up with stephanie for a date at our favorite karaoke spot: karaoke one 7. we sang for nearly 3 hours and killed everything. which do i think are our new bests?

(embedding is disabled for the actual music video for this song, but its pretty amazing, you can watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Vx2s2G88b0 )

i also closed the amazing session with the eagle's version of desperado. it was ill. don't worry. i actually videoed so many of our performances but due to some weird glitch when i was uploading all of the videos were lost. GASP! there is always a next time! then we headed to west times square for kaitlin's open studio, saw some peoples, ate some snacks, bought some hangers, headed home. had so much prepping to do for the hester street fair opening day on saturday where happy cuties made its manhattan debut. i have no pictures to prove this event took place, sorry, i was too busy making boku bucks. a thousand dollars. nbd. but seriously, it was awesome and exhausting and i still have so much crap despite making money so i am going to do it all over again on may 15th and i hope you can come by!

what else, you ask? well i am quite looking forward to going upstate immediately after i finish school. hopefully with a few friends in tow. or a bunch. or one. or whatever.

and now i am retiring to my chamber and drawing my blinds. stretching. reading some fitzgerald. remembering the good things that happened today. thinking about the good things that will happen tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.

til next time...

slow dancing: anything i want

2010-04-17T23:27:00.002-04:00

i apologize in advance:

If I was a month, I’d be September
If I was a day of the week, I’d be Sunday
If I was a time of day, I’d be dawn when you haven't slept yet.
If I was a planet, I’d be venus
If I was an animal of the sea, I’d be a sea otter

If I was a direction, I’d be due south
If I was a piece of furniture, I’d be a credenza
If I was a liquid, I’d be raspberry-lime seltzer
If I was a gemstone, I’d be aquamarine
If I was a tree, I’d be a maple

If I was a tool, I’d be a power drill
If I was a material, I’d be spandex
If I was a kind of weather, I’d be sunshine after the rain
If I was a musical instrument, I’d be a ragtime piano
If I was a color, I’d be spring green

If I was an emotion, I’d be vim
If I was a fruit, I’d be a peach
If I was a sound, I’d be harmony
If I was an element, I’d be neon
If I was an automobile, I’d be a baby blue 1968 ford f-250

If I was a food, I’d be sexy pizza
If I was a taste, I’d be savoryyyyy
If I was a scent, I’d be musk
If I was a place, I’d be home
If I was a flower, I’d be a lilac

be sweet as honey baby, don't be mean

2010-04-14T14:04:00.003-04:00

i had a dream about jeff last night. HE WAS WEARING YELLOW EYESHADOW. where is my personal dream investigator? first he was playful and shy and then it just turned 7 shades of ugly. i was basically lucid dreaming at that point and willing something to keep happening for the sake of some resolution for myself. he was still dating the girl, which, i believe is the case, though i haven't done any internet "research" recently. nevermind, i just did some. definitely still going strong. they'll make a cute baby and i'll just stay home and cry.

okay! i've lost all my energy for this. i just thought about posting pictures and then realized i have nothing to show you because i am sitting on 16 rolls of film because i have no money to process them. just called manhattan color lab and they want 20 bucks a roll. not happening. not anytime soon, at least. so you'll have to be happy with this shitty post and no pictures because i've got strep throat, and i'm on antibiotics for 10 days which means my last free weekend before finals and flea market has to be spent sans booze. it means i have to postpone all my shitty okcupid dates because if you think i am going on an internet date with no alcohol you may as well think i love the country of canada. and i don't. so i won't.

after five days of laying in bed, i guess i finally got bored. i spent an hour last night researching mia farrow, and subsequently, her 15 children. now that was time well spent.

hey! life! everyone! god above! who wants to tell me when my time is coming? i'm doing my best to fill my days with fulfillment but its much harder than it seems. especially here, no green, no blue sky blue, no peepers, it currently smells like gasoline in my bed courtesy of either my upstairs or downstairs neighbor or maybe a broke-down truck outside. so i'm just waiting waiting for the day when my clouds part and those white streaks of pure sun come a'streaming out.

if that's my prayer book, lord, let us pray

2010-04-04T01:50:00.006-04:00

you know like sometimes when you just don't feel like going to sleep and instead you want to stand around and sing paul simon in your party skirt?

i thought, graceland, being released in 1986, that a real live music video would exist for the ronstadt duet 'under african skies' but it DOES NOT and i am GUTTED. but let me tell you there are a sure damn lot of acoustic covers of the goddamn song and now i've lost a part of my life i can never get back. but i digress...

been really missing living alone in some trees recently. its turning into an ache. i'm stuck between the spokes of the decision wheel once again, my friends. should i move apartments or am i just a perpetual restless when i'm living here. i can't relax! i feel myself wound and winding and i can't cut loose! for instance, right now, as i'm blogging, i am certain there is a really fun party next door. why didn't i go check it out? i'm sort of getting into doldrums status over here. i guess this is where i publicly declare that almost every day of being without real true grass and trees feels like being medievally tortured.

i guess this marks the end of this blog. tomorrow is studying the histology of dentin, cementum, and pulp. on the roof. with one of those tin foil shields around my face to crisp me up good and brown. i might start writing a book. i'd really do anything to avoid studying so this actually might happen. and if it does, thank god the cover already exists:

i see you guys next time, okay?

p.s. happy birthday mama. i love you.

even if i have to start from zero

2010-03-31T22:11:00.004-04:00

one day i am going to live somewhere and have the sort of life where this song defines the pace, the tone, the timbre and the hardihood of mostly everything.

i'm here! my shoulders are back and that string is constantly pulling me up, and each night before i sleep i count five nice things that happened that day. its supposed to help one feel positive. i'm positive its doing something. kiss kiss lovelies. enjoy the nice weather this weekend and sing like the birdies do.

what they find the glow erases, what they lose the glow replaces

2010-03-19T00:49:00.003-04:00

here is a quick one to bid farewell to the great alex chilton.
it wasn't until a mere four months ago that i realized what a genius this man was; in the box tops with a voice like you never heard at age sixteen bringing some memphis blues to late 60's pop. here's a sampling of live videos (and i had to search! most of this shit is lipsynched and awful.) ENJOY and BONSOIR!

and this one, even though lipsynched, is amazing for chiltons chintzy dance moves. czech it:

love is all around

come on, get up, get underway

2010-03-18T10:33:00.002-04:00

any of you that know me, know that i am partially (fully) obsessed with the man that is paul mccartney and all the projects he's had his hands in over his mega career. wings is no exception. wings is, god, wings is just one of the greatest bands to ever be on the earth. i am not being overly sentimental or sappy and my judgment is not clouded. wings has tried just about every genre. wings has kitch-ified bongos and spanish guitar and then r+b and then ragtime. and they did it with style and panache and matching mullets. listen, this isn't a joke. open your ears people! wise up to smart music!

both of these videos are from what is arguably my favorite, and the last, wings album: back to the egg (released in 1979 - and what a year it was). my second favorite wings album is:

and boy is it a gem.
i highly suggest you just close your eyes and open your mind and just give this band a listen. its like old elo in the sense that when you get big enough you feel free to try anything, and if you are a genius, everything usually works out.

okay now you can return back to whatever non-wings things you were doing. ciao.

steal the nose right from under your eyes

2010-03-16T23:39:00.002-04:00

hip hip and hoorah for this weather, am i right or am i right?!

i'm ready to finally share my birthday weekend with you, and it started as all great periods of time start; with a cake!

i made my very own birthday cake because i could. and a world where a girl can't make her own delicious cake is a very cruel world indeed. most, if not all, great times include friends, so i invited mine over to enjoy cake and have a drink or two or more and then somehow (i know exactly how) this ended up as a 90's hits dance/sing party. there is one picture to share:

weird on so many levels but does show the intensity we were bringing as a group. we went to karaoke at trash bar which wasn't actually karaoke but a metal show (next time i'll call in advance). oh, and in case you were wondering why its called trash bar:

so! then my dear friend kaitlin slept over and made me the best birthday breakfast. we're talking RESTAURANT QUALITY here folks!

naomi kaitlin and i savored the amazing brunch and then we had to put on some lady outfits to enjoy afternoon tea (how i chose to enjoy my adult birthday). naomi and i arrived on time despite the pouring rain and jiwon and denise were already waiting for us

the place was so warm and magical and smelled SO GOOD. there were incredible candles and fresh flowers everywhere. maylis arrived and we were ready to be transported to lady land!

somehow everyone except for jiwon thinks that dressing like an adult means wearing all black. they fed us five courses of tea food and by the end we were basically bursting. the best part for me was, duh, the tea, but also: TINY SANDWICHES.

it was really so magical and i was so happy to have my friends there to share it with me, even if the waiter wasn't as pleased (he HATED us)

here i am making the best of the rain:

and then the night went on and on and on (i really don't recommend drinking four loko EVER) and somehow ended as most great nights end:

somehow after getting 2 hours of sleep and laying on the floor with my heart pounding all day, i managed to somehow study or just at least read for a midterm i had on monday. i crossed myself before i took the test and god really pulled out all the stops by granting me with a 94 on the test. thanks for looking out big dude. and i'm just content. working on some stuff regarding the happy cuties brand. working on some personal things. working some things out in my brain. enjoying idol more than ever (maybe i always enjoy it to the maximum actually) seeing both my parents this weekend. being reunited with loretta-louise. being reunited with the sun. reunited with my KILLER warm weather wardrobe. reunited with paul simon's graceland album. reunited with my bike, mr. maroon five. ready ready ready. not ready for being drug tested (wtf?!) in april, but thats a horse of an entirely different color, now isn't it?

i believe this post to be satiated now. til next time!

let me go down where i won't be a bother to no one

2010-03-15T18:45:00.002-04:00

i also found the time to create this somewhere between being a genius and sleeping:

a birthday weekend post is coming. i first need to catch up on the sleep i didn't get all weekend. it could take DAYS, but it will come.

xx!

i dont want to thnk anymore

2010-03-14T16:25:00.005-04:00

this is all the brain power i have right now, but i will come to you again some day soon.

edit:
aaaaaand this:

its so hard to think of what its all about

2010-03-10T23:17:00.005-05:00

i remember being probably in kindergarden or first grade and sitting in the car outside the pizza place in albany and listening to this song on the radio with my dad. i adored this song and it really still just makes me so happy in a way that a blog could never ever ever explain.

i'm turning twenty-seven in three days and i feel ready to conquer shit. its as if the universe is saying: anything you want, you got it

there's a wealth of happiness and romance

2010-03-06T01:55:00.003-05:00

i went to see the new alice tonight and it truthfully was not terrible. and in honor of it and in honor of lovely little alice and all of our sweet lovely and intact childhoods i present my very favorite part of the cartoon alice. it is very much a solid and gilded memory for me.

please do enjoy

everybody wanna pass as cats

2010-03-04T12:22:00.003-05:00

such a match made in heaven:

nine days until my twenty-seventh birthday. i'm upstate on my spring break. looking to buy everything at every thrift store tomorrow and saturday. mama needs a new wardrobe. last night i was going in to great depth telling someone how when i have my house i want a shoe closet where they will all line up and probably talk to each other when i shut the door. and how i'll probably open the door once in a while and just say "hello!" the reply to that was "you're nuts," can't deny that. i also had a fight yesterday with my mom's garage door and i think i lost? i'll show it whos the boss in about thirty minutes. don't you worry. what else?! i'm going to get fish fry later with christine and then we are bowling at our favorite alley. tomorrow i am thrifting at every thrift store, like i mentioned, friday night is smitty's pizza, and alice in 3D (of which i am quite the skeptic but i will have some things aiding me), saturday is more thrifting and an estate sale in rensselaer and hopefully my friend and her sweet baby judah and then some kind of dinner maybe. somewhere in there i would like to study for a midterm i have on tuesday. and that about wraps things up over here at happy cuties. i mean...not forever. just for today! still waiting for my susan miller epiphany....(i feel it coming on)
xx,
B

i forget what i should say, i forget what i should do

2010-02-18T12:19:00.001-05:00

aside from a mean honky tonk affliction these days, i am basically just BOY CRAZY. all i think about allllllll day is BOYS. boys! boyyyyyssssssss. gah! its like a brain disease. boyzzzzzz.

so substitute "boys" for "you're" in this song and you'll have basically exactly everything about me right now:

rain may fall for an hour or more but it doesn't matter

2010-02-17T23:17:00.001-05:00

it was in love i was created and in love is how i hope i die

2010-02-17T14:50:00.004-05:00

well another valentine's has come and gone, and i finally (after a two year hiatus) reinstated my annual themed party in honor of the celebration of love and all things pink! this year i chose 1940, a theme which i chose on a whim, and then really regretted, but in the end, like most other things, it turned out really excellent. allow me to share!

it was really such a nice time. thanks to everyone who could make it. next year will be the 70's because.....well because i won't have to spend 8 hours doing my hair.

saturday i went to the opera with my long-time valentine, stephanie porto. thanks also to my dad, for generously gifting the tickets to me. here are some blurry captures of our "rich people" outfits. really, stephanie called me a few days before and said "let's dress like we're rich" HOLLER. it was great because i needed an opportunity to wear this perfect mid 60's black lace number which i bought near my country house at a yard sale for TWENTY-FIVE CENTS. you can gawk at my updo. don't worry. i was gawking too.

the long weekend was filled with fun and friends, and my life is increasingly this way and decreasingly school-ways. oops! how can i concentrate on teeth with so many boyyyyyys around?? midterms are coming and if i survive, if i prevail, if i don't flunk out, my sense of self may be restored. i'm actually fairly smart. who knew??

i will leave you with this sweet small video created by denise as a valentine's present for me me me! you may view it here

love love love love love love!

and i'm gonna miss e'erbody

2010-02-15T14:55:00.002-05:00

she's probably somebody's only light

2010-02-02T23:15:00.004-05:00

here are some beautiful highlights from my weekly horoscope (brezsny) and monthly horoscope (miller)

"Be a flame of love, not a swamp of self-justification." brezsny

"Those born later, say, with birthdays that fall from March 7 to 20, found 2009 a very tough year. Now the universe will do a correction and send a plethora of opportunity, chances for outstanding happiness, and reward.

You are certainly entering one of your best years of your life. February will lift the curtain to show you just how dramatically your life can change for the better...We only get seven years like this in a lifetime, and one of the gang of seven fortunate years has just begun on January 17.

What would you like to happen next? If the phone were to ring now, who would be calling, and what would they say to you? Dream big, Pisces! This year will bring a huge difference over last year! Finally you are coming into your own and you won't have to deal with so many difficult people. Your health will improve noticeably, too. The universe has not forgotten you, dear Pisces! Quite the opposite, the universe is about to take very good care of you and shower you with reward for all you've been through.

No matter when your birthday falls, it is clear that you're entering a new phase, dear Pisces. If by the end of last year you closed the door on many activities and said adieu to many people, that is how it was to be. You are now getting ready to start a whole new chapter, one that will be bright and happy and far better than the phase you just left. What a wonderful gift the cosmos has for you this year! " miller

crap is that awesome or what? but now the problem is, i'm having complete performance anxiety. it says feb 27th is going to be one of the best days of my life. how can i live with that kind of pressure?!? thanks a lot susan miller!

i'm going to bed now. treating my first random patient tomorrow and boy am i niiiiiiiivous. going to channel all of my good times pisces vibes and pray to the spirits that i don't cut off her papilla.

love all y'all!

some people choose the city, some others choose the good old family home

2010-01-31T23:16:00.003-05:00

missing my adventures in vanity at my country home:

somehow the light is never as good here:

(using one of these: today in my hair. WEIRD

thanks to my excellent friends for another excellent weekend. i be missin you for 4 days til we meet again. xxooxxoo

you gotta open your eyes in the morning

2010-01-28T00:16:00.002-05:00

god bless footage of artists performing on the old grey whistle test (a television music show that ran from 1971 to 1987 on the bbc)

downloaded this song for the first time about two years ago and re-feeling it as of right this moment now:

recently also been re-feeling tom petty. dude is actually pretty genius and runs with some heavy circles, not to mention how killer the original intro in this video is.

and here's the buzzcocks on whistle test in 1978 (have you re-listened to this band lately? maybe you never stopped? i think they nailed it):

i think three is nice and rounded. i watched new york noise tonight and its probably the closest thing i have to a show like whistle test these days. i will take it but i think i should have been the host of whistle test right around '76. sign me uppppppp.

sunday night fitness vol. 6

2010-01-26T01:04:00.000-05:00

you may view the companion video here. please enjoy and stay fit!

sweet love ain't love til you give it away

2010-01-23T18:19:00.003-05:00

really want to live inside of this right now:

you can also try this:

but i warn you ITS HARD. and so out of my range. man that dude could sing.

this one is better for karaoke:

you're welcome.

2010-01-12T16:54:00.002-05:00

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): It's graduation time. Not in any officially
recognized sense, maybe, but still: You have completed your study of a
certain subject in the school of life. At a later date, maybe you will
resume studying this subject on a higher level, but for now you've
absorbed all you can. I suggest you give yourself a kind of final exam. (Be
sure to grade it yourself.) You might also want to carry out a fun ritual to
acknowledge the completion of this chapter of your story. It will free up
your mind and heart to begin the next chapter.

thats my horoscope this week. i really think it is a sign i should quit school. considering i skipped every single class today i think maybe i basically already quit. halp.

you can stay as long as you like

2010-01-11T21:52:00.005-05:00

now accepting applications for my duet partner. study up and come prepared.

i had to know, so i asked

2010-01-06T22:40:00.003-05:00

help i can't stop looking at shoes and i want to buy them and i can't even afford dinner!

i'm dyingggggg, please someone PLEASE buy these for me. i would settle for just the first ones. JUST THE FIRST ONES! maybe i should start a little paypal thing? maybe people could each donate one dollar until i could buy those first shoes? i have great feet! imagine my feet in them! it would be a gift for the whole world (and especially the foot fetishists that seem to lurk about on public transport in the summer)!!!

think about it, that's all i'm asking.

you must forgive me if i'm up and gone

2010-01-06T14:34:00.004-05:00

still on my ronstadt kick, and this here video is bloggable for so many reasons. mainly: when will this be my life? (i'm waiting and waiting, isn't it time for my lap to have something fall into it? girl's getting antsy!) and also: why is she wearing that shawl? and if you had to guess, what year would you date that video with. if you asked me i would say plain old 1970. and if you want to really get into it, that was forty years ago. and if you REALLY want to get into it i could name some other cool shit that happened that year. but i won't. because i know you don't. no one does. and that leads back to my original query. and it gives me the original answer: NEVER.

i'm retreating to my bed now to dream of hunks with sideburns wearing giant collared shirts in large floral patterns that will never ever be mine anywhere other than my dreams. SOB.

sunday night fitness vol. 5

2010-01-03T23:23:00.001-05:00

wow. such an epic fail.

i really DO NOT recommend richard simmons' 'bringing down the house' workout video.

que sera sera

2010-01-01T20:13:00.003-05:00

hola and welcome to the future!

i have a few resolutions:
1) less digital / more analog
2) think before you talk
3) please sell clothes and make money

i am going to try my very best.

much love to all of you from the past into the future.

e'eryday seems a little closer

2009-12-18T22:57:00.004-05:00

i feel like i should write something here now. whoops i just have nothing to say.
i can tell you that it is BALLS TO THE WALL FREEZING out and my roommate and i decided not to turn on the heat until absolutely necessary. i think neither of us wants to be the first one to cave. this means i am WEARING GLOVES IN THE HOUSE. whateverrrrrrrrrrrr.

i ordered twenty dollars of thai food and ate the whole thing BUT i don't feel completely awful over it because i packed sweatin to the oldies vhs in my suitcase for vacation. whateverrrrrrrrrrr

i'm working on a mix called "nice. and. easy" if i don't lose my mind before i finish i will listen to this mix when i feel like i am LOSING MY FUCKING MIND. whateverrrrrrr

i found out today, the day i came closest to getting in an actual car accident, that my brakes really aren't that great. really looking forward to testing them out tomorrow in the SNOW on the THRUWAY. whateverrrrrrrrrr.

i'm packing only sweater dresses for my entire ten days upstate. i plan to go to all the thrift stores and buy every sweater dress each one has and wear only sweater dresses (and maybe wool pant suits) for the rest of the winter who cares what anyone wears, whateverrrrrrrrrr

loneliness, loneliness, it's such a waste of time

2009-12-14T12:10:00.002-05:00

so i'm in finals week at school. i keep trying to remind myself why i am doing this but truthfully can't think of any reasons! oops! because i am the ultimate procrastinator i have been downloading music like crazy and it is truly the only bright spot in my life currently (other than that dim light at the end of this weeks tunnel (i'll be out on wednesday, clutching my sanity with dear life)) below are two songs which i would like to really be on the same level with. let's call them the framework which i am going to build my winter break inside of. nice. and. easy.

whelp, i can't find the other song i wanted to share with you. its linda ronstadt's cover of little feat's 'roll um easy' just praying i can roll easy right into my vacation. bless.

2009-12-08T17:47:00.001-05:00

Desperado
Why don't you come to your senses
You've been out riding fences for so long now
Oh you're a hard one
But I know that you've got your reasons
These things that are pleasing you will hurt you somehow

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds boy
She'll beat you if she's able
The queen of hearts is always your best bet
Well it seems to me some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the things that you can't get

Desperado
you know you ain't getting younger
Your pain and your hunger are driving you home
And freedom, oh freedom
Well that's just some people talking
Your prison is walking through this world all alone

Don't your feet get cold in the wintertime
Sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the night time from the day
You're losing all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away

Desperado
Why don't you come to your senses
Come down from your fences
Open the gate
It may be raining
But there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you
Let somebody love you
Before it's too late

2009-12-05T16:25:00.000-05:00

i better be right

2009-12-05T12:59:00.000-05:00

oops to the earth that this is my theme song!

sunday night fitness vol. 4

2009-12-03T23:40:00.001-05:00

i'm alive when i'm with you

2009-12-03T14:30:00.002-05:00

from 1989:

to 1984:

to 1978:

to 1968:

to 1965:

to 1956:

the history of pop music is the best puzzle on earth and i hope i never stop putting it together

close our eyes and feel the light coming down for the night

2009-12-03T00:31:00.003-05:00

raining raining raining raining i'm tired but i am not defeated and i will smile my way through all of this you just wait and see you you you (you) i dare you to just stare at me don't blink you might miss the moment i flash my first molars

(i wanted to tell you about thanksgiving, i wanted to tell you about my weekend, i wanted to load you, like icing, into a pastry bag and then extrude you. then you could understand. but maybe it was more like a perfume atomizer. maybe it was more like a fireplace bellows. perhaps it was a squirtgun. a supersoaker. nerf gun! either/or it was a force and then i was out and walking on a wheel again. remember my smile! it sort of makes the whole image okay, no? i still live from day to day. day to day. its the piece of my tree life that i have not forgotten. nothing can defeat us. one day and then another day. of this i mostly solemnly swear)

you better chase all your cares away

2009-11-29T15:49:00.001-05:00

attempting to channel this for the next three weeks

there's nothing like finding gold between the rocks hard and cold

2009-11-20T02:05:00.003-05:00

music makes everything better always

she puts her hands against the life she had

2009-11-17T23:55:00.002-05:00

gosh its either that time of month or something is actually wrong.
i scratched this today while riding to school:

oh to be sweetly reclining in my own mind!
i think this place is already driving me mad. the public eye of scrutiny is one i cannot seem to get out from under, and i just wish i was able to lay about in my own head; slowly choosing which buds and blossoms of my memory i would smell and then clip in my hair.

it can't be a good thing that i close my eyes every night and imagine myself anywhere but where i am. i pretend the clashing grinding banging booming trucks are the loud brisk and hollow train and that when i wake up there will be some kind of dapple of nature filtered sun touching me with gentle hands. its all brash and no matter how many plants i hang in my windows i'm still here with black dust settling on all my prized possessions (my heart, my once bright skin, games, books, elvis statues, etc.)

and now I've opened up my eyes, and found it's all been just a great big fairytale

2009-11-15T04:10:00.003-05:00

kaitlin and i just tried to make a zine based on okcupid personals. it sort of worked. then she prematurely expired on the couch. (i hope she is okay). <---is that correct grammar? (stephanie?)
(i will share our results one day. if there can be a http://naomihulahoops.com/, there can be a http://kbzines2krule.com

i wonder what zoey deschanel and ben gibbard are like in real life.
i potentially really like her cotton commercials.
i also really really love that country-singing dancer-with-the-stars: julianne hough. i maybe also love her brother and can't wait to see who wins the finale but thats just me!

hey guys i can't wait to get back to the country. somehow everything seems more sound there. remember that idea for a commune built from friends that everyone has? why doesn't that happen more often? not for nothing, its a really excellent idea. i think now denise may be mentally on-board. (denise?) i also have some feeling i could get luke barber-smith to be a true participant.

i hope you all know, i am a very sentimental person.

a lot of ideas are glitter in the snowglobe of my life. i guess if you become my eighth subscriber you'll get a backstage tour?

many many people take it for a game

2009-11-14T23:23:00.001-05:00

um....yes please? phew! whatta babe!

you'll never know what's coming round the bend

2009-11-14T18:28:00.004-05:00

here i am!

feeling like i should blog because the genius lightning has been striking me all day but now that i'm here i'm having performance anxiety or something. sorry y'allz!

another secret i will share: last night i wrote in my real paper journal. i hadn't done that since sometime in july after i returned from my minnesota drive. i really had the zest for it last night, putting the pen to the paper was feeling actually so excellent and i think i managed to scrawl a whole three pages (front and back!). mostly it was filling in my journal with my life changes since i last wrote, of which there are many, but i also noted how i feel less creative and less intellectual and less of most things here in the city. on the one hand i have my friends around me now, and better food, and generally more happenings; but on the other i do not have nature. i do not have silence. i do not have rejuvenating sleep. i do not have music SO LOUD and a big oven and a big fridge filled with treats. and trees and snow and leaves and birds and woodchucks lookin in my door!

today i feel so restless and i may have to break out buns of steel volumes 1-3 just to work off some of this crazy energy i have. that would probably be quite the wise child idea. maybe i will play some games of solitaire with actual cards. wowwwww. or maybe i will do laundry? paint my toenails? take a shower? vacuum? dust? sweep? fluff pillows? hang pictures? water plants? watch movies? take a yoga class? play piano? become a trapeze artist??

now that i've done such a crackerjack job of convincing you all of my genius, i think its time to go.

(and thanks to jiwon for snapping that picture of us three girls in the lovely light all searching in our giant bags for something at the very same time)

i don't know much...

2009-11-13T02:15:00.001-05:00

but i know this video is SO AWKWARD

SORRY IF I KILLED YOU

i'm in love and its easy to see

2009-11-10T23:07:00.002-05:00

okay let me set this up for you:
1) linda ronstadt
2) hank williams cover
3) barefoot
4) mini dress
5) late 60's dancing

do yourself a favor and give this a looksee:

if nothing ever moves, put that needle to the groove

2009-11-09T22:41:00.003-05:00

the best thing about today was having two packages for me when i got home.
one of them contained these most perfect shoe specimens:

and a quick snap i took on the bus while i should have been reviewing for the test i most certainly did not ace in anatomy and physiology:

seriously, during the test i would get so distracted by the shoes! when i turned in my test the teacher was like "cute shoes" 'oh thanks lady, aren't they just pefect? i couldn't stop looking at them all through your test which i just failed!'

the second package was more like a giant box filled with special treasures that were all tied up pretty and neat with ribbons that i am going to put in my hair! caroline and i decided to do a thrift swap back in september and she beat me to the punch and sent out my stuff last week (hers will be to her hopefully before the end of the week) i came home today to the big box and it was packed to the brim with goodies! i need to do a proper catalog of the stuff, because its really all so excellent. i am particularly enjoying this little green etienne aigner belt and a lovely pair of minnetonka mocs plus this unexpected seafoam swirl grey sweater vest and a perfect fitting houndstooth pencil skirt. i can only hope she enjoys my stuff half as much as i am planning on enjoying mine.

anyways, i am EXHAUSTED and fed up with internet "dating" and starting a new book tonight because i am bored to tears with the motorcycle diaries and feel awful over it (sorry che!) but i have a lot of faith that lolita will be better and i've never read it so its all going to be a lovely surprise and i'm pretty certain thats what makes life excellent.

if things go as they've been going i will be back here to update everyone very very soon with pictures from my weekend at home and some stories or something else that will maybe make me have more than seven followers.

love!

don't do me no favors, just let me live and learn

2009-11-08T20:29:00.004-05:00

in my effort to avoid studying for the exam i have tomorrow in anatomy (SO HARD), i began (don't ask me how, just the magic of the internet i guess) to search through vintage wedding dresses on this amazing site. without further ado, i present to you, bianca's wedding dress choices 2kNever:

are you dying? i am positively DYING p.s. this one won't fit me but most of the others will

this pink number is catching my eye just that much more than the others. can you see me in this? can you even see me with a goddamn boyfriend??

this is especially humorous because i joined a dating site a few days ago and have spent some time picking out the perfect dating site pictures etc etc and NO ONE will return my messages. i have written to nine people! what kind of crazy/sad/ridiculous/incomprehensible world is this?! wise up internet!

we now return to our regularly scheduled program....

sunday night fitness vol. 3

2009-11-03T00:30:00.001-05:00

please join us as we join slimmins to sweat to the oldies!
enjoy and stay fit!

the only thing we want to do tonight is go round and round and turn upside down

2009-11-02T12:16:00.001-05:00

hello all! happy halloween belations!
i wanted to show you all my pictures yesterday, but i was just too worn out to blog. now i'm at school and i have some time to spare to blogging.

let's get right to it before i lose my motivation.

friday night i went to a party thrown by the dental school. i had convinced myself it would be fun. i shouldn't have done that.

i dressed as a dead bathing beauty. or drowned. whichever. basically i had wanted to be a drowned synchronized swimmer but i look AWFUL bald so i switched it to be a bathing beauty because i just wanted to be dead and wear that swimsuit.

in the interest of time and positivity i will show you the best part of the night, the costumes!

saturday night was actual halloween (duh) and i stayed on my home turf knowing i couldn't tolerate anymore "sexy" costumes. luckily 'sexy' doesn't really fly in wb so i had a really excellent night dressed as a cartoon gothtopus!

wow! that was awesome! i had so much fun and laughed and danced as octo lady all night. halloween is the best! and next comes thanksgiving and basically that is the best holiday of all time ever ever ever amen. needless to say, i can't wait!
i hope everyone had an excellent halloween. what was the best costume you saw? (say mine)

hopefully sometime this week me and maylis will be able to do installment three of sunday night fitness, and i would also like to go to rosemary's and get a big foamy of budweiser. preferably on the same night.

time for microbiology!

a half-full moon in mexico city, i'll think of you

2009-10-28T17:14:00.002-04:00

when i was younger and would walk home from the bus i would compose prose in my head and whisper it in the air. i'm talking about like....ten? nine? eleven? something like this. lately i've been doing it again, though its for my blog and i don't know that my lips are actually moving. at least i really hope they aren't. (they probably are, fml)

these days i can't tell where my dreams end and my real life begins. this sounds so romantic, but, its not. its so confusing and drains all my motivation for anything because i may as well be sleeping since i can't tell the difference anyway.

patiently awaiting halloween and my two costumes which were supposed to be cheap but ended up costing probably just as much as a regular costume.

more pictures from paris:

futures and folly fill each page

2009-10-25T23:30:00.003-04:00

so the sunshine worked! i feel infinitely better and it wasn't just the sunshine but great company and great laughs.

took miss bliss for a spin loaded with girls up to p.s. 1 for the fall shows opening.

saw michael stipe sporting a handlebar mustache, and some unexpected friends who were also around, and then upon exiting jiwon and i strolled past james franco and denise and olivia missed him because they were too interested in that hairy sculpture and boy were they sad!

we decided to try to go to the beach to watch the sunset but due to there being ABSOLUTELY NO trains running normally the traffic was insane on the bqe, but really it was still such a good sunset, we even got to see it through a traveling carnival ride called 'the whip' wee!

some dudes driving next to us made fun of us for ALL taking pictures of the sunset but whatever maybe they just dont care about nature or something.

drove to sheepshead bay to eat at jordan's lobster dock, which is the sight of our truly infamous ultimate adventure of many summer's ago. we ate piles of fried seafood and laughed so much in the parking lot trying to take some pictures in front of the meeting point for stephanie.

took the scenic route home all the way down flatbush ave and watched the neighborhoods change. rediscovered the glory that is ace of base's 'the sign' album and called it a night.

tomorrow is radiology lab, microbiology, muscle lecture in anatomy and physiology, halloween makeup and hair dry run. reading memoirs of a geisha currently and its giving me really strange dreams. this is mostly it. i only have ONE test this week (3 quizzes also) so i'm hoping it will be easy and halloween will come on swift and easy.

be well!

sweet call of the countryside

2009-10-25T13:27:00.004-04:00

around the time of my twenty-sixth birthday i went to paris. what follows is the first bit of evidence that i may have missed my calling as a travel photographer.

its such a nice day today, i may drive to the cloisters and sit in the grass. i actually have an urge (it comes from pms, i am smart enough now to know this) to get in my car and drive to the actual country and just set up and play like i'm not failing on any obligations i have elsewhere. wouldn't that be pie! sunshine take away my bad mood!

the meadowlark singing to you each and every day

2009-10-21T22:18:00.003-04:00

thats a bit what my upstate life looked like.
more to come when i can muster it.
xo.

see the girls with the curls in their hair

2009-10-16T03:20:00.002-04:00

how i spent my wednesday evening with my faithful karaoke partner, miss stephanie porto.

sunday night fitness vol. 2

2009-10-06T01:15:00.003-04:00

so this actually happened on monday. monday night fitness volume 1. whatever!
keep it real and stay fit!

i'm waiting for the ribbons and the bows

2009-10-04T23:13:00.002-04:00

know where i want to live? know how i want to live?
when will this happen for me? i know this is going to happen.

the petals of the daisy drop

2009-10-04T19:32:00.002-04:00

i can share one photo that pretty much sums up the past five days:

listening to soft country and early bangles and regular sugar that is always coming through some speaker in some room.

eating my veggies. tacos. sandwiches. god bless all the food in new york. if albany had this food i wouldn't have left. that's the truth. well....boys factor in also. thats a bit of a given, i suppose.

finished another hemingway. how do you talk about reading hemingway without sounding like a jerk? its good regardless. now i am reading either memoirs of a geisha or rereading to kill a mockingbird, i haven't quite decided yet.

one exam this week and FOUR exams the following week, including my clinic midterm which is testing my instrument usage. SCARY. this isn't easy. i realize i should probably give a bit more info about school here. i just don't know what exactly to say about it. probably because i dont know exactly how i feel about it yet. i want to give it my best shot and not engrave my opinion in e-stone. best to leave everything open and breezy. this goes along with my stress-free life. as long as you don't form a concrete opinion you can just feel and be whoever you want. isn't that pretty?

tonight was supposed to be about buns of steel 2000 with may, but we had to move it to tomorrow night because she isn't back from boston yet. BOO. i start my radiology rotation tomorrow. this is the part in my life venn diagram where the circles intersect. might be nice to smell on some fixer or at least be under the safe light.

i suppose now its time to brush off the weekend and buckle down into some hardcore a+p about muscles of mastication. can't fucking wait.

sunday night fitness vol. 1

2009-09-28T00:11:00.002-04:00

a new tradition over here y'all.
we feel great!

there's a million things to be

2009-09-20T22:58:00.002-04:00

hello again to all my friends!

this will have to be quick and sweet because i am EXHAUSTED.
i drove up to albany this weekend to go to a show at the egg on friday night and attend lark fest with my buds on saturday and beyond. total blast had by all.

here are the highlights:

the egg! one of the best places on earth to see a show (i'm convinced at this point) i saw son volt on friday. how nice. did you know even the elevators are round? i hadn't had a chance to go home at all because i decided to go shopping at the salvation army (which proved to be the best decision i could have made, i got LOOT) so i had to carry a change of clothes with me to the show. when i went in the bathroom to change i realized i had lost one of the shirts i had brought (luckily i brought two). i ended up leaving the show a bit early and scanning the ground outside the egg for my black tank top. i had just about given up hope but then i saw it! lumped up on the steps down to the street. victory was mine!

saturday! cue the fried food! paul and christine picked me up and we headed to larkfest. for whatever reason i always liked larkfest more than tulip fest. this year was no different. we ate and drank and laughed and saw old friends! what could be better. throw in a bit of matt and kim pure happy and the day was really complete.

but it wasn't over yet! christine and i headed to monica's house to continue our drinking roll and have some good laughs.

we took our party on the town and around 1 am paul was kind enough to drive christine and i home again. what a peach.

sunday! didn't start so sunny but started mystically enough to call it a good day.

packed up my finds and met christine for lunch at an old childhood favorite we've been talking about visiting for a while:

toll gate! named because it was once an actually toll gate. clever!
IT WAS EXACTLY THE SAME.
i should make a list of places that refuse to change because they deserve praise from the heavens for resisting this life force. more power to them!

fish fry and a shake on a fish placemat. i folded it up and took it out with me. identify the fish! i love you! i'm sorry i somehow stayed away from this place for so long. IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. its weird how you don't think you remember a place but then you get to it and its just so familiar. i wanted to live in it. forever. in the wooden phone booth. a troll who advocates remembering the past.

wow this is getting out of control. okay i'm going to leave you with this video that melts my heart in so many ways. its a young dolly peforming on the porter wagoner show. when she first joined the show the audience didn't accept her, they liked the girl she replaced much better. in a last ditch effort porter had her sing the mule skinner blues (a real trad number, you know) and bingo! love! if i can channel just a fraction of this happy love i will be golden golden.

goodnight (lady) muleskinners!